Escape from the Thailand Cave - The Movie

So Hollywood is already working on adapting the story of the 12 boys and their soccer coach who were trapped then rescued from the Tham Luong cave in Thailand. Going by the film industry's dubious history with these kinds of stories, I can picture them going with this cast:

The Coach:  Christian Bale

Boy #1, the hyper one:  Jake Gyllenhaal

Boy #2, the weird one:  Johnny Depp

Boy #3, the shouty one:  Gerard Butler

Boy #4, the quiet one:  Joel Edgerton

Boy #5, the annoying one:  Justin Chatwin

Boy #6, the funny one:  Fisher Stevens

Boy #7, the one that always talks about his sister:  Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

Boy #8, the one that confuses all the other boys:  Tilda Swinton

Boy #9, the one that eats all their food:  Rooney Mara

Boy #10, the one that's always forgotten:  Linda Hunt

Boy #11, the one that insists he's just quarter-Thai:  Emma Stone

Boy #12, the one that turns out to be an alien:  Scarlett Johansson

At least there's someone out there trying to prevent this from happening. Good luck, Mr. Chu.