Nerf Superman

1. ability to fly
2. super strength (although this varies - sometimes he has trouble holding up airplanes, and sometimes he can lift a whole island, even a kryptonite island)
3. faster than a locomotive, and as fast as Flash (sorry Flash, we don't need you)
4. eyes that can shoot fricken' laser beams (or fire beams, whatever)
5. x-ray vision, useful for stalking his son (spoiler)
6. icy breath, kinda like the Simpson sisters
7. ability to turn back time by flying around the Earth super fast
8. kiss of forgetfulness, which made Lois Lane forget that Clark Kent is Superman, among other important information (not really a spoiler, the movie came out 26 years ago)
9. "super" cellophane to incapacitate villains dressed in 80's costumes... for 2 seconds

Is there anything he can't do?

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