Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Rage Against the TV

"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."

My broadcasting instructor is an idiot. Throughout the whole damn class time, he talked about ancient TV shows he grew up watching as a kid. Engineer Bill, Captain Kangaroo, Hobo Kelly, Skipper Frank, Big Gay Al, Mother Focker, Homo Erectus... it goes on and on. And when he finally asked us what we watched as kids -- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, Transformers -- he seemed confused and went back to reminiscing about his glorious childhood with Bill*, the 60-year-old student that sits at the front.

Then somehow Mr. Dumbass Instructor changed the subject to the election. He took a survey on what the class thought of both presidential candidates. Here's a taste of the retardness that ensued.

Kerry
pros:
  • He dresses nice.
  • He snowboards.
  • He's from Massachusetts.
cons:
  • He looks like a horse.
Bush
pros:
  • He has cute daughters.
  • He wife looks elegant.
cons:
  • He sucks at giving speeches.
  • He seems dumb. (oh the irony)
I'm moving to Canada.

*I secretly call him "Blue" in my thoughts, not only because he always has a bright blue sweater on, but also because he reminds me of that geezer from OLD SCHOOL.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Dan Olowokandi

Every year, on the Friday after Thanksgiving, our church plays football in the annual "Turkey Bowl." Instead of standing in line at the mall for the sales, we try to break each other apart. I haven't played the last couple of years for various reasons like work, but I didn't have to worry about that this year. We had about 50 people show up, so we divided into 5 teams. 5 leaders were chosen, and we had a good ol' fashioned playground draft. Remember those? Back in grade school, these were the worst times of my life.

Yesterday, I was picked first.

As we played the games, I didn't fulfill the high expectations that come with being the #1 draft pick (of course), but who cares about the details. I'M NUMBER ONE, BIATCH!

Each team played a total of 4 games, round-robin style. Our team's record at the end of the day: 1-3. Hey, it's our rebuilding season.

I had fun, and I have an aching body today to prove it. I'm sure the majority of the kids did too. Except the girls. And some jr high kids. Hey if you can catch the ball maybe they would throw the ball to you more often, eh? I keed, I keed.

Speaking of jr high kids, they held a special teacher's appreciation banquet for us last night. Us teachers had very low expectations as we went, but it turned out great and we had a lot of fun. The kids served us dinner (that was brought by us), entertained us with song and dance, did impersonations of us (I was the easy target), and signed posters and gave us PANSUH! Nothing says "appreciation" more than SpongeBob Squarepants boxers. Thanks kids, I love it!

Being a teacher has been very difficult, but I guess times like these make it worthwhile. Now if only they would pay attention in bible study...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Game of Death

Electronic Arts is the biggest video game company in the world. They make hundreds of millions of dollars every year.

They also ruin lives.

A lot of their money comes from their sports games. They make games on football, basketball, baseball, hockey, and anything else you can think of. Hell, they probably have a curling game somewhere beneath the huge pile of games they produce year in and year out. For all these sports games, EA selects athletes for that particular sport. The atheletes get exposure to the public (like they really need it) and of course, money (yeah, they definitely need more of that). The thing is, these cover athletes usually suffer what has now become known as "The EA Sports Cover Curse."

Let's look at some examples:



Michael Vick -- The dominating quarterback for Atlanta Falcons broke his leg in a season-ending injury last year.



Roy Jones Jr. -- The boxer that was undefeated (except for one disqualification) has been knocked out twice since his face appeared on the cover of this game.



Dany Heatley -- I don't watch hockey, but this one is so good, I mean, so bad that I have to put it up here. Atlanta Thrashers right wing Heatley got into a car crash that ended his season and killed his teammate Dan Snyder after getting on the cover of NHL 2004. Poor bastard.



Vince Carter -- The NBA star was out for most of last season with injuries and has been sued by his former agent for $4.7 million for breach of contract.

Keep in mind, these were only the 2004 sports games. EA makes them every single year. That's a lot of lives ruined.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Hot Stuff

The Bad: The place I had an interview for was some financial company. What did they want me for?

The Good: I had three calls today from various places trying to schedule an interview with me.

The Beautiful: As I was on my way to the interview, I got a call from Game Crazy. They want me to come on Wednesday for an interview.

What took them so long?

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Most of All You Gotta Have Your Tool

Today I'm gonna start a thing called FTTEIH. It stands for "Fact That This Exists Is Hilarious" and it should be self-explanatory. Unless you shoved crayons up your nose when you were a kid -- in which case, I laugh at you.

Today's installment of FTTEIH: Wendy's training video

Japanese is killing me. It was nice and easy in the beginning but now I don't understand what the hell is going on when I'm in class. Now they're starting to write all the words and sentences in hiragana and we're also starting kanji, which is the most confusing form of writing known to man.

I made a resume on Monster.com in 2002. I finally redid it over the week and sent it to couple of places, but I haven't heard from them yet. But I did get two calls yesterday from two different companies, both of which did not sound too fitting for my taste. Though I did make an appointment for an interview with one of them; I'm not exactly in a position to be picky.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Confidence Man

Firefox rox my sox.

I can be so damn brilliant sometimes.

This week's recap of LOST:
  • Sawyer is not really "Sawyer."
  • Sayid left on self-imposed exile after stabbing Sawyer's arm.
  • Hurley is still fat.
  • Charlie convinced Claire to move to the cave.
  • The identity of the person that whacked Sayid in last week's episode remains unknown.
  • Kate gave Sawyer a loooong kiss. I think she liked it.
  • I think Jack may be gay. Wouldn't that be crazy? I'll elaborate on this some other time.
  • Sayid's torture method on Sawyer -- ouch.
  • The annoying blonde girl... I forgot her name. Anyway, she has asthma.
  • Locke. I love this character. Is he good or bad? I'm guessing neither.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Bass, How Low Can You Go

Today's LOTD: I was thinking, in a couple of years when I have my own Vespa, I could join these guys. But then they started doing homoerotic poses. Now I'm just not sure anymore.

I'm broke. I'm gonna try to get a job by the end of the week. I hear Toys R Us is hiring seasonals.

Ugh.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Monday, November 01, 2004

J.J. Fad

Remember when I would post witty things on here every day?

Me either.

I spent three straight days hanging out with a bunch of jr high kids. You would think I would get sick and tired of them after that.

I did.

Okay, not really. The truth is, they're fun. I like talking to them and playing silly games with them. I also like doing the Walls of Jericho on them and making fun of their moms.

FRIDAY: Lock-In
Highlight: Playing "Sardines" and scaring the crap out of 7th grade boys that tried to act tough.
Runner-Up: Showing the kids how "Mafia" is really supposed to be played. Don't mess with the King, bitches.

SATURDAY: Community Service
Highlight: Going to a rundown hotel in L.A. and passing out food and supplies to the drug addicts and prostitutes. We didn't really get to do anything but watch on the side while the experts took care of everything, but it's still an experience that I'll never forget.
Runner-Up: The Young Adult "Luau." It was better than I expected, but that's not really saying much since I had such low expectations to begin with. Limboing was cool. Oh, and we played Counter-Strike with Old School again. They're getting better.

SUNDAY: Halloween
Highlight: AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE marathon! Sometimes life can be sweet.
First Runner-Up: "Halleluya Night." Every year on Halloween, our church holds this event for the kids as an alternative to trick-or-treating. They think it's pagan or whatever, but I personally don't see anything wrong with trick-or-treating. Anywho, every department was in charge of a "station" -- which basically consists of a skit and passing out candy -- and the jr high group was in charge of the story of the Good Samaritan. We supposedly had a whole month to prepare, but we waited 'till the last minute just to prove how good we are because that's what we always do. It didn't turn out that bad. It's over now, and what's important is that we won't have to do it again for 364 days.
Second Runner-Up: Surprise party for Kim MSN. I would have stayed a bit longer if it wasn't filled with so much melodramatic sap. People were acting like he was leaving us or something. That's not for another year and a half.

It's flippin' November already. Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

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