Friday, May 14, 2004

attn: filthy, disgusting, brutal, bottom-feeding, trash-bag ho

I turned in my two-weeks-notice today. I was actually planning to stay a bit longer, at least until we (me and Adrian) settled into a new apartment. But guess what, plans suck.

Corporate sent us an email yesterday stating that there's a mandatory meeting at 7:30 am, this Monday. "What's the meeting about?" we asked. The email cryptically stated on the bottom: "PURPOSE - JOB RELATED." Holy monkey on acid wearing diapers, what else could it possibly relate to, your mom? We somehow found out that it was for the new pay structure and blahblahblah and idontgiveafuck and shoveitupyourass and all that good stuff. So I decided not to go. Today I received a call from Vicki, the head bitch at corporate.

DC: Cingular Wireless, how can I help you?
HBC: Danyul? Chase?
DC: Daniel.
HBC: Hi Danyul, eet's Bicki.
DC: Hi.
HBC: Hey I was juss colling to make sure you guys were going to the mee-ting on Monday. You guys will be dere, right?
DC: Uh, I think so.
HBC: Reely? Becus I heard you weren't going.
DC: Who told you that?
HBC: Tamara.
DC: When?
HBC: Today.
DC: Oh yeah?
HBC: So is dat troo? Are you coming or not?
DC: I'm not sure.
HBC: Why not?
DC: Vicki, first of all, I have Mondays off. And second, I'm gonna quit soon.
HBC: Danyul, I don't like your attitude. This is an important meeting about the new pay structure and...
DC: ...
HBC: When are you going to quit? You're supposed to tell me if you're going to quit.
DC: I'm not sure yet.
HBC: Well if you need a ride for the mee-ting we can arrange a ride and
DC: ...
HBC:'re supposed to tell me when you quit.
DC: Okay. Fine. I'll send you an email.
HBC: No! You need to fill out a resignation form!
DC: Where do I get that?
HBC: I'll send you an email.
DC: That's my line, bitch!*

The best part about writing a resignation letter is that for "REASON OF RESIGNATION" I can check mark Unsatisfactory Employment, which I did. And I can fill out the "PLEASE EXPLAIN" part by going on about Tamara the "manager" always leaving early, leaving the store for 5 hours at a time (lying about going to corporate), taking our sales, playing games on her laptop, and AIM'ing all day. Which I did.

May 28 will be my last day.

*Dramatization. May not have been actually said.

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